


The Art of a Near-Death Experience

by Pellehouse



Category: Marvel
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Making Up, Post-Break Up, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:34:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28388607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pellehouse/pseuds/Pellehouse
Summary: A mission goes wrong and Tony gets hit with some type of neurotoxin, resulting in him becoming severely sick and possibly dying if not treated. The Avengers are sent to search for a possible cure, expect Steve, who is left behind to keep company to a bedridden Tony, who also just so happens to be his ex-boyfriend. Steve isn't the best person at facing his feelings and helping Tony, but he tries his best.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 1
Kudos: 63





	The Art of a Near-Death Experience

**Author's Note:**

> I got the idea for this fic a few weeks ago and thanks to my amazing and supportive friends, I decided to try and write it up.
> 
> This doesn't take place in any particular universe, because I have a growing repulsion towards MCU, but I do not know enough about the comics yet either. It's like a mix of both, interpret it how you want.
> 
> English is not my first language, so please try to withstand my possible grammar mistakes.
> 
> Rating due to slight swearing.

This week has been exceptionally bad, especially in Steve’s books. He isn’t usually the one to complain when things don’t go as planned, but there are times when Steve wished he would still be in a block of ice. Not a very pleasant idea, but it would beat this.

It was meant to be just a simple mission. Raid an old, supposedly abandoned A.I.M factory, bring anything eye-catching into S.H.I.E.L.D custody, and call it a day. It all went down the drain, though, when it became apparent that there was still some type of unexpected activity in the factory. The semi-relaxed mission turned into a slightly more serious one as soon as that was discovered. 

They hadn't thought much of it, though. Steve and the rest of his team had inspected the factory carefully. At some point they had separated to cover more area faster. No actual A.I.M agents or such had been seen, so they just assumed that the factory was used as some type of storage. At least it had seemed like that. 

Steve had gone with Tony. Even though everything was still kind of troubled between them, he liked to think that they worked well together as a team. And surprisingly the atmosphere between them at the start was good, relaxed even. Better than it had been for months.

They had walked from hallway to hallway, room to room, and even cracked a couple jokes here and there. While inspecting a certainly sizable room filled with some confusing, fancy machines - Tony had an actual name for those but Steve couldn’t really bother to remember - , Tony even took his armor off while taking a closer look at something, while Steve patrolled, occasionally checking on others.

Everything was running smoothly, but as foolish as they were for not taking their mission seriously, they soon had found themselves ambushed by none other than a bunch of A.I.M agents they were not prepared for. It was a serious miscalculation on Steve’s behalf to let himself get soaked up in the nice feeling and letting his guard down. From what he heard, others were attacked too. It was all planned. They had walked straight into a trap. 

As obviously outnumbered and scattered they were, they couldn’t fight A.I.M off. Instead they were forced to retreat. Even with a bitter taste in his mouth, Steve knew it was for the best. Fortunately they all made it out in one piece without any serious casualties. Unfortunately, though, Tony didn’t seem too well. 

During the ambush, some type of gas was launched at the two of them. Steve didn’t feel anything specially weird, probably thanks to the serum, so at that moment he hadn’t thought much of it. Tony, however, had still been outside his armor and without a doubt inhaled the gas. 

It started with nausea. Tony had admitted that he didn’t feel so good. He looked pale and Steve noticed that he was slightly shaking, while hunching on his seat in their jet. Carol had offered him some  Pepto-Bismol, but he had politely rejected, insisting that he’ll be fine. Steve just watched from afar. It wasn’t his place to worry over Tony.

It followed up to Tony sweating, covering his head with his arms and bouncing his leg uncontrollably. Sometimes it sounded like he groaned in pain. At that point it had become clear that he could not manage on his own.

After arriving at the helicarrier, Tony had already almost completely blacked out. Steve along with Sam helped him out of their jet straight into the helicarriers medical bay. A swarm of medical staff had crowded around Tony almost immediately, leaving the rest of them out. And soon Steve found himself outside Tony’s medical room, pacing around nervously. 

_ Mr. Stark’s been hit with some type of neurotoxin. Or that’s at least what we are guessing _ , one member of the medical staff had told Steve after the biggest fuss had died down. Only just a couple of minutes ago medics had gone in and out of Tony’s room in a hurry.  _ We couldn’t recognize what type through any test. There’s a high possibility of it being something new, not previously known to us.  _ Steve didn’t like hearing those news. Worst part was, that there was no way to fully know to what extent the toxin could damage Tony. But knowing A.I.M, it’s most likely lethal. 

Rest of the team was sent back to find something, anything, that could help at finding a cure. Steve wanted to go with them. He wanted to do everything he could, so they could be faster and save Tony, but Carol had insisted on Steve staying at the helicarrier, so that he could keep others updated on Tony and offer potential help.

Steve had disagreed with her and almost too desperately insisted on joining the others. Goddamn, he was there when Tony was hit. He out of everyone should be there. 

That’s when Carol had placed one hand on his shoulder. Her face was quite unreadable with a hint of sympathy.

_ Steve _ , she had said.  _ I know you and Tony have… Broken it off a long time ago. And I know your whole relationship is kind of on the rocks right now. But he needs someone close. And you are the best person at bringing him comfort, believe it or not. _

That was something Steve wanted to believe in. God knows he did. Even if him and Tony weren’t together anymore, he still cared about him. Hell, maybe even a bit too much sometimes. Despite the bothersome feeling Steve always got whenever he was near Tony ever since their break up, Tony was still his teammate and a  _ friend _ . 

So he agreed and was left behind. Before leaving Carol had promised to keep him up to date on everything. Steve had promised the same thing.

Currently he was still standing in front of Tony’s private room, clenching his fists anxiously. He had not yet visited Tony. Steve had fought in a world war, frozen in ice and centuries later got found and rehabilitated into a world he had no place in, yet the scariest thing to him was going in a room and talking to his possibly dying ex-boyfriend.

He couldn’t even fully handle the fact that Tony was in a life threatening situation, as surreal as it was. He always pulled through, no matter what. Steve maybe shouldn’t worry over Tony anymore as much as he does, but he can’t really help it.

* * *

Another nurse exited Tony’s room and closed the door carefully behind. Steve met their eyes, seeing the worried expression, and for a second there he really thought that something bad had happened. It seemed like the nurse could read his thoughts, shook their head silently, and gestured towards the door. 

Steve had been standing outside for roughly 10 minutes by now. Some people passing by had looked at him a little funny. He didn’t blame them. 

There had been no updates from the team for a while. Currently everything felt kind of unreal, like a dream. If Steve just pinched himself hard enough he could maybe wake up. Maybe next to Tony, and not alone.

But this, unfortunately, was not a dream. Steve knew that. And he had to move. He should not mope around anymore.

He straightened his posture and with steady steps walked over to the door leading to Tony's room. He looked at the nurse once more, mouthing a silent  _ thank you _ , and then opened the door and stepped right in.

The room was dim, the only source of light was a ceiling lamp, set to minimum efficiency. It was dead silent apart from the noise countless different machines made. 

And there, in the middle of the room was a bed, and on that bed was a curled up figure of a human. Tony looked impossibly small and frail. Almost completely different from what he looked like when Steve last saw him.

Steve sighed and gently closed the door behind him. He carefully walked across the room next to Tony’s bed. There were no chairs in the room for Steve to sit on, which was a shame. He didn’t want to disturb Tony and sit on his bed, because it looked like he was asleep. It would be out of question anyways. So he just settled for standing and looking at Tony, feeling a heavy weight of worry and guilt in his chest.

He was startled, when Tony shifted a little and then grumbled. 

“Monica, you’re really sweet, but I really don’t want any type of pills right now,” Steve could barely hear Tony mumble. His voice sounded rough and faint. Kind of like his usual morning voice, Steve noted.

“Sorry. Not Monica,” Steve answered, voice low. Tony opened his eyes slightly and looked up at Steve. His brows raised slightly when he recognized Steve and he let out a quiet, “Oh.”

Steve shifted his weight from one leg to another, feeling once again that uneasy feeling. Like he didn't exactly belong there next to Tony, he didn’t belong there. He tried his best to ignore it. 

“Sorry. For waking you up.”

Tony shifted again and then groaned. It occurred to Steve that Tony was most likely in vast pain. The guilt just grew when he thought about it. Steve knew this was not his fault, but still, he could have done something. Not let Tony out of his armor and stay professional during a mission. He had been so desperate to feel like they were at least friends again and look at how that went.

“You didn’t wake me up,” Tony said, his voice now more even. At some point his eyes had closed again. “Didn’t sleep.” .

Of course. It’s probably hard to fall asleep while in pain. Steve should have guessed that one.

“Did you have something to tell me?” Tony continued. “Are you going to bring me the bad news? Will I make it?”

Steve swallowed. “I can’t tell you that.” He fell silent for a couple of seconds and then added,”I just wanted to be here. Keep you company.”

Tony didn’t answer. Steve didn’t say anything else. It was maybe for the best to keep silent and let Tony rest. And they remained like that for a few minutes. Tony breathed heavily, sometimes drawing in a sharp breath and holding it for a few seconds. Steve wanted to help, ease the pain somehow, but he didn’t know how. He wasn’t made for situations like these.

Soon Tony broke the silence again. “So, are you just going to stand there? Your thoughts are really loud, y’know?”

Steve shot a surprised look at Tony, who of course didn’t see it. Surely Tony knew there were no seats in this room. Steve couldn’t exactly just make one out of thin air.

He opened his mouth, but Tony was faster and cut in. “I know what you’re about to say. Just sit on the bed. It won’t break.” Steve huffed a laugh and did as Tony said. He sat on the edge of Tony’s bed, careful not to sit on Tony’s legs. He sighed and turned his head to look at Tony again.

For a moment it looked like Tony was completely calm, but then his brows furrowed again and he made a sobbing like sound. Steve bit his lip. “Can I do anything to help?” He asked. Anything really would make Steve feel better, although he knew this isn’t about him right now.

“Some water would be nice,” Tony responded. Steve immediately started searching the room with his eyes to find some. On a nightstand next to the bed was an almost full glass of water. Steve reached for it and brought it to Tony’s lips. He watched as Tony lifted his head and took a long, proper sip. When it looked like Tony was finished, Steve drew the glass further away and almost immediately Tony started to cough.

Steve placed the glass down in a hurry and was ready to help Tony up in case he swallowed the wrong way, but Tony raised his other hand to stop Steve on his tracks and with a couple deep breaths succeeded in calming down.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said with a hoarse voice. “‘m okay.”

Steve let out a breath he had been holding in. “If you say so.”

They fell silent again. Only voices in the room being the machines and Tony’s heavy breath. Steve noticed himself starting to grow frustrated. He wasn’t exactly sure why. He hadn’t heard anything from the others for a while. He wasn’t even sure what they were doing. If they were able to find anything. He usually liked to know what was going on, what was the plan and how to execute it, but now all he could do was sit next to Tony who was  _ suffering  _ for god's sake, unable to do anything else.

He sneaked another glance at Tony. Tony's eyes were open, but he didn’t stare back towards Steve. He was staring at the wall.

“You don’t have to worry about me. Pretty sure I’m a lost cause already, Steve.”

Steve frowned. He didn’t exactly understand where Tony was coming from. “No, you’re not,” he said bluntly. Surely Tony would make it.

But Tony just sighed heavily. 

“Steve, look at me.” And Steve did. He watched as Tony propped himself up to his elbows and looked straight back at Steve. Steve hated to admit it, but he had never seen Tony in such bad condition before. At Least not both emotionally and physically.

His eyes were bloodshot and forehead sticky with sweat. His dark hair was a mess, bangs sticking to his forehead. Steve wanted to reach out and brush them off. He actually wanted to do more than that. But he just looked at Tony.

“Let’s face it, tiger. It’s over for me. Had a pretty good run, doncha think?” Tony murmured and it looked like he attempted to smile. It always amazed Steve how Tony managed to smile through anything like it was nothing. He wished he could do the same. Just smile and assure that everything will be fine. But he couldn’t. Especially now.

“No. Tony, no,” Steve pleaded, almost desperately. “Do not start this now, understand? You are going to pull through. We’ll get you treated.” Steve hated how he felt. He had never been good with emotions. He was a soldier, emotions were not really his thing.

Back when they were together he thought he had finally figured everything out. He was happy. He liked to think that they both were happy. Everything was always so confusing, but Tony was there to help. Steve wanted to be there for Tony, too. 

The look on Tony’s eyes changed to sadness, maybe even sorrow. Tony’s eyes were always so strong, full of emotion. They never failed to bring Steve goosebumps. 

Tony laid back down with a thud. That’s what he always did when he was too tired to argue back, but Steve knew that he stood by what he said. They’ve had enough arguments for Steve to recognize the pattern. Usually during these moments he kept on insisting until Tony either gave up or agreed to disagree, but he has learnt to lay off. Last time they had a serious argument it ended nastily.

Tony didn’t say anything after that. To be more precise, he didn’t make much noise at all. Steve moved closer to him. He looked at Tony’s pale, sweaty face, studying it.

He wondered if he now offended Tony, or something. That wasn’t what he aimed for.

“Tony?” He whispered. Tony didn't move, didn’t make a sound. Steve narrowed his eyes. Did Tony pass out? He was still breathing, but not responding.

A minute passed. Then another. Steve started to grow worried. Maybe something was wrong?

Then Tony finally opened his mouth again. “Can you touch me?” he whispered, almost too faint for Steve to hear like he was ashamed of his request. 

To be completely honest, Steve was quite surprised by it. They hadn’t had any real physical contact since their break up. Only sometimes at the battlefield or during training they accidentally brushed hands, and that was it. Tony had made it clear back then, that he didn’t want to touch Steve again. And he had been fine with it. Most of the time.

“Of course,” Steve responded, maybe a little too eagerly. He just really wanted to touch Tony. And help him, too, of course.

He raised his hand and carefully brought it up to Tony's forehead. He brushed those bangs aside like he previously wanted to and wiped some of the sweat off. Tony felt warm under his touch. 

Steve watched as Tony sighed. It almost looked like Tony melted, when Steve trailed his fingers down to his cheek. Steve wondered if Tony wanted this as badly as he did. 

He continued to gently brush Tony’s face, careful not to hurt or make Tony uncomfortable. It was easy. Steve was good at fulfilling requests. He knew the places where Tony liked to be touched well. 

Suddenly Tony huffed, which sounded like a laugh, and Steve’s hand stilled right away.

“It’s kind of pathetic, really, that unbearable pain and nearly dying is what it takes for me to finally admit that I need you.”

Steve blinked. He wasn’t exactly sure if he heard Tony correctly. Or did he imagine everything?

“Excuse me?”

Tony peered his other eye open and looked at Steve. Steve could feel his heart pounding in his chest. Was this really happening now? When Tony laid sick on the hospital bed?

“I’ve missed you,” Tony admitted. “Shouldn’t have let a single fight break us apart.”

Steve could feel the heat crawling it’s way to his cheeks. This is what he had yearned for months. He wanted to say something, reassure Tony, but his own voice betrayed him.

Tony continued. “Guess it’s too late to change things now, though, isn’t it? I don’t think I have much gas in my engine left anymore.”

“Tony, don’t,” Steve ordered firmly, not wanting to hear Tony’s speculation anymore. “We have time. You won’t be going anywhere and I’ll be with you,” he continued immediately, tone more soft. “I want to be with you. Work everything out together. Start fresh.”

Tony opened both of his eyes completely and stared straight at Steve. It looked like he was considering, and then he was smiled slightly. Steve smiled back. “You promise?” He asked. “Even if I’m an annoying, stubborn piece of shit?” 

This time Steve huffed out a laugh. “That’s one of the things I find attractive about you,” he admitted and sneaked his hand down from Tony’s face. He found Tony’s hand instead, taking it in his, interlocking their fingers. It was a familiar feeling. One that Steve could never forget. It felt good to touch Tony again.

They stayed silent for a moment. Steve noticed that Tony didn’t groan in pain anymore. Even his breathing was more even now, although still heavy. 

Then Tony closed his eyes once again.

“Gonna take a nap,” he murmured. “You better still be here when I wake up.” Steve hummed and scooted a little closer, after which he pressed a light kiss on Tony’s forehead. It felt sappy, a bit silly, but at that moment Steve didn’t care. What mattered was that he was with Tony and everything will eventually be alright.

* * *

Steve was startled awake from a sudden sound coming from his left ear. It was Carol’s voice coming through his earbud. He didn't even notice that he had fallen asleep next to Tony, who was currently breathing silently, curled up into a ball. It was actually a miracle they both fit into the same, tiny bed. 

Steve stirred and gently rose up, careful not to wake Tony up. 

“Sorry, Carol, couldn’t hear you. What were you saying?” Steve muttered and then stretched his arms.

“We found the goods. We’ll arrive back at the helicarrier in a few minutes,” Carol’s voice responded through the earbud. “Is everything alright with Tony?”

Steve glanced back at Tony, who was still sleeping. A small smile formed on his lips again. 

“Yes. Everything is good over here.”

* * *


End file.
